I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
