He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
