not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
