i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
