Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
