dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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