I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I cut my penus on the lid.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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