Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
