K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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