I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
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hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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