Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
