And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
