I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
