I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
