did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
