I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
