you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
