Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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