Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
