Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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