i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
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I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
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the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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