I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
