You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
