the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
