After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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