Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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