If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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