some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
