She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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