but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
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i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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