Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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