Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
