Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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