My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize