So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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