Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
