The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
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Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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