I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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