a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
