i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
