I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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