I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I wear drunk well.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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