On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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