my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
