someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
