I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
