I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bring me that man meat
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
