when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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