remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize