whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
