I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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