Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
