Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I love you.
Bad choice
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
