I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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