Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
