It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think my fart just growled at me.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
