Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
