I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
