Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
