I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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