Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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