i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
