did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
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