Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So vagazzling was a success
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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