Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
